Yeah, I think I did.
I just asked to go back to Egypt.
I didn’t use those exact words of course, but close enough.
Alone in my bathroom, trying to collect myself in an emotional moment, I asked God to just put things back the way they were.
Just like the Israelites begged God to send them back to slavery in Egypt when things got hard in the desert.
I knew immediately that I shouldn’t have said it, even if it was only in my head. I knew I was being bratty again. But I did think it. in that moment, I really did just want the old life back.
This place we’re in feels like something I’m not equipped for.
While the Israelites were headed for the promised land, if I’m being honest, this just feels like wandering in desert. A journey with no destination and no point. It feels like whatever progress there was has been lost, and we’re going backwards now.
But there’s always a point, isn’t there?
Even the wanderings of the Israelites had a point.
All of the doubt, the fear, and the unbelief had to be fleshed out. It had to be replaced with faith, trust, and hope.
I want so much to understand. I want to know God’s purpose. I want see what’s up ahead on this long and frightening road.
But we’re not called to understand, were called to trust. It’s not my job to figure things out. It’s my job put myself in the Savior’s hands, and trust Him to carry me through the mess.
The Holy Spirt gently reminded me that He’s doing a work here. All this messy, and all of this hard, serves a purpose.
And the way things used to be was just a different kind of hard.
I might not be equipped for this journey, but that’s kind of the point. It takes going though the hard places to see how much we need Him.
While the devil says “you can’t,” God gently whispers “My grace is sufficient.”
God wants to be glorified in us and through us. He said if He is lifted up He will draw all men to Him. That’s our ultimate purpose here, to draw them to Christ.
But if we’re relying on our own strength, God can’t get the glory. We lift ourselves up instead of pointing to Christ.
If I’m honest with myself, I always knew that was the point of the desert. That’s always the point.